Of BMW mechanics and cheap Bangladeshi writers.

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Of BMW mechanics and cheap Bangladeshi writers.

March 28, 2018March 28, 2018 433

I recently had some work done on my classic BMW 328i. New clutch, brakes, brake light switch, flywheel, seals, oil change, sensors and some other items. The bill came to $2,259. I didn’t have a dealer do it (who needs that headache?), but an independent auto repair shop that specializes in European automobiles. I’ve been going to that shop for years. They’re honest and they know what they’re doing.

When I picked up the car, I knew it would perform as it should. And it did.

There were other options. I could have found a cheap mechanic instead. But I didn’t. I did not want to deal with delays, mistakes, excuses and do-overs.

You know where I’m going with this, right?

Earlier today I spoke with a woman who wants us to write a TV pilot script. We talked about the writers I have on staff. I described the lengthy elimination process I used to select them. “These are the survivors,” I cracked. “Ghostwriters Central doesn’t present a laundry list of writers you can choose from, including many who are pure bargain basement.”

Apparently she had looked at one of those lists. She told me about a writer in Bangladesh who would do the work for around $5 a page. I just laughed.

I have a video security system here. Like everything else, it’s made in Asia. The printed instruction manual might have been written by that guy in Bangladesh. It’s nearly incomprehensible. The manufacturer should have had our Mike Branom, a technical writing expert and native English speaker, write it. Then people could understand it.

The goal is to communicate effectively and successfully, and on the first attempt. It’s easy to sabotage yourself.

The lesson here is: Don’t have your car repaired by someone inexperienced or incompetent. And don’t hire a non-native English-speaking person to write your manuscript, screenplay, speech, instruction manual or anything else. Just don’t. The odds are excellent that it will be messed up, resulting in your having to shell out more money (and time; when is your deadline?) to fix it.

Call us and the job will be done right at a reasonable price.

Finishing a book is just like you took a child out in the back yard and shot it.

Truman Capote

Easy reading is damn hard writing.

Nathaniel Hawthorne

Work on a computer that is disconnected from the Internet.

Zadie Smith

Everybody walks past a thousand story ideas every day. The good writers are the ones who see five or six of them. Most people don’t see any.

Orson Scott Card

When writing a novel, that’s pretty much entirely what life turns into: “House burned down. Car stolen. Cat exploded. Did 1,500 easy words, so all in all it was a pretty good day.”

Neil Gaiman

In Hollywood, the woods are full of people that learned to write but evidently can’t read. If they could read their stuff, they’d stop writing.

Will Rogers

I have long felt that any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has just put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae or banana split.

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr

I do not over-intellectualize the production process. I try to keep it simple: Tell the damned story.

Tom Clancy

Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards.

Robert A. Heinlein

The fact is, I don’t know where my ideas come from. Nor does any writer. The only real answer is to drink way too much coffee and buy yourself a desk that doesn’t collapse when you beat your head against it.

Douglas Adams

Just don’t be boring!

Robert Liebmann

It begins with a character, usually, and once he stands up on his feet and begins to move, all I can do is trot along behind him with a paper and pencil, trying to keep up long enough to put down what he says and does.

William Faulkner

Keep a small can of WD-40 on your desk — away from any open flames — to remind yourself that if you don’t write daily, you will get rusty.

George Singleton

If you start with a bang, you won’t end with a whimper.

T.S. Eliot

A writer is a world trapped in a person.

Victor Hugo

If you wait for inspiration to write, you’re not a writer. You’re a waiter.

Dan Poynter

It is only natural to pattern yourself after someone. But you can’t just copy someone. If you like someone’s work, the important thing is to be exposed to everything that person has been exposed to.

Bob Dylan

If you have an idea that you genuinely think is good, don’t let some idiot talk you out of it.

Stan Lee

You can always edit a bad page. You can’t edit a blank page.

Jodi Picoult

My own experience is that once a story has been written, one has to cross out the beginning and the end. It is there that we authors do most of our lying.

Anton Chekhov